At Weird West Fest in the fall, we established Commissioners of Steampunk and Official Steampunk Police. WE WILL BE WATCHING YOU.
If you are wondering who died and made us the Commissioners and the Police, WE did. Don’t like it? Tough Shit! BTW, if you don’t have a sense of humor, don’t read this. Your brain will explode! (That’s Steampunk for LOL)
Laws, Rules, and Regulations
ANNO QUARTO & QUINTO
GULIELMI IV. Regis.
An Act for the Amendment and better Administration of the Laws relating to the enforcement of Steampunkery in all regards, be they deemed fashion, science, speech or other, in England, Wales, Ireland, Scotland, India, Africa, the Americas, and any and all free states of the known world and the land of NEVERWAS. [Enacted this 14th day August, in the year of our Lord, 1834.]
WHEREAS it is expedient to alter and amend the Laws relating to the definition of Steampunk: Be it therefore enacted by the King's most Excellent Majesty, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, and Commons, in this present Parliament assembled, and by the Authority of the same, That it shall be lawful for His Majesty, His Heirs and Successors, by Warrant under the Royal Sign Manual, to appoint Three fit Persons to be Commissioners to carry this Act into execution, and also from Time to Time, at pleasure, due to Death or otherwise, to appoint some other fit Person to the said Office; and until such Appointment it shall be lawful for the surviving or continuing Commissioners or Commissioner to act as if no such Vacancy had occurred.
2. And be it further enacted, That the said Commissioners shall be styled "The Steampunk Law Commissioners for NEVERWAS ;" and the said Commissioners, or any Two of them, may sit, from Time to Time as they deem expedient, as a Board of Commissioners for carrying this Act into execution; and the said Commissioners acting as such Board shall be and are hereby empowered, by Summons under their Hands and Seal, to require the Attendance of all Such Persons as they may think fit to call before them upon any Question or Matter connected with or relating to the Administration of the Laws pertaining to Steampunkery, and also to make any Inquiries and require any Answer or Returns as to any such Question or Matter, and also to administer Oaths, and examine all such Persons upon Oath, and to require and enforce the Production upon Oath of Books, Contracts, Agreements, Accounts, and Writings, or Copies thereof respectively, in anywise relating to any such Question or Matter ; or, in lieu of requiring such Oath as aforesaid, the said Commissioners may, if they think fit, require any such Person to make and subscribe a Declaration of the Truth of the Matters respecting which he shall have been or shall be so examined: Provided always, that no such Person shall be required, in obedience to any such Summons, to go or travel more than Ten Miles from the Place of his Abode: Provided also, that nothing herein contained shall extend or be deemed to extend to authorize or empower the said Commissioners to act as a Court of Record, or to require the Production of the Title, or of any Papers or Writings relating to the Title of any Lands, Tenements, or Hereditaments not being the Property of any Parish or Union.
3. And be it further enacted, That the said Commissioners shall cause to be made a Seal of the said Board, and shall cause to be sealed or stamped therewith all Laws, Rules, and Regulations made by the said Commissioners in pursuance of this Act; and all such Laws, Rules, and Regulations, or Copies thereof, purporting to be sealed or stamped with the Seal of the said Board, shall be received as Evidence of the same respectively, without any further Proof thereof; and no such Law, Rule, or Regulation, or Copy thereof, shall be valid, or have any Force or Effect, unless the same shall be so sealed or stamped as aforesaid.
4. And be it further enacted, That the said Commissioners shall make a Record of their Proceedings, in which shall be entered in Writing a Reference to every Letter received, from whence, its Date, the Date of its Reception, and the Subject to which it relates, and a Minute of every Letter written or Order given by the said Commissioners, whether in answer to such Letters received or otherwise, with the Date of the same, and a Minute of the Opinion of each of the Members of the Board of Commissioners, in case they should finally differ in Opinion upon any Order to be given or other Proceeding of the Board; and such Record shall be submitted to One of His Majesty’s Principal Secretaries of State once in every Year, or as often as he shall require the same.
5. With all due diligence, pomp, and ceremony aforementioned, the Commissioners of Steampunkery are hereby named, certified, and credentialed also as
The Official Steampunk Police
And shall have all requisite and forthgoing power and authority to sit in judgment on All Things Steampunk.
6. Be it known that from this day forward this power and authority are seated in the physical and corporate bodies of the following personages:
Prof. Steampunk, Chief of The Official Steampunk Police
Lady Art'amiss D'cor, Assistant Chief of The Official Steampunk Police
Capt. Cosmo Osric Galloway, First Deputy of The Official Steampunk Police
7. Be it also known and obeyed that these Commissioners may, at their whim and call, designate additional Deputies with the intent and purpose of enforcing the following Laws, Rules, and Regulations of Steampunkery within, without, and beyond any and all present and future Borders and Boundaries of the land now and forevermore known as NEVERWAS.
Laws, Rules, and Regulations
Within, without, and especially beyond the Borders and Boundaries of NEVERWAS, be it known to all men, women, children, and others, that the very nature of Steampunkery is firmly rooted in and grows from the Neverwasness which permeates all aspects of Steampunkery.
Be it also known and obeyed that this Neverwasness is the ruling argument in the following Laws, Rules, and Regulations, to wit:
Law the First
Known as the Law of Tolerance
ALL aspects of Steampunkery which may, by any stretch of the Imagination, be considered Steampunk, SHALL indeed BE Steampunk.
Law the Second
Known as the Law of Exceptions
See Law the First.
Law the Third
Known as the Law of Trial and Appeal
ALL Trials and Appeals shall be Heard and Adjudicated by the Three Commissioners of Steampunkery or their official Designees. Designees MUST be designated in an Official Commission overseen by at least two of the Commissioners of Steampunkery.
Law the Fourth
Known as the Law of Finality
ALL Decisions of an Official Commission, whether overseen by Commissioneers or Designees, Shall be Final and irrevocable, with the exception that a Designee decision may be Overruled and Overturned by a vote of Two of the Three standing Commissioners of Steampunkery.
Law the Fifth
Known as the Law of Longevity
ALL Commissioners of Steampunkery will serve for life terms or Forever, whichever comes first. Designees shall serve for life, unless Undesignated by Commissioners, requiring a 2/3 vote.
In Summation, let it be known and obeyed that the Spirit of the Laws demand thusly:
Intolerance within Steampunkery will not be Tolerated!
Signed, acknowledged, and legislated this 14th day of August, Year of our Lord 1834.